A woman was backed by the internet after revealing that she's considering having an abortion without telling her husband, as she doesn't want to trouble him.
In a post shared on Mumsnet on Thursday, the woman, under the username Puppalicious, explained that she just found out she's pregnant, but being a mom of three, including a toddler, she doesn't want another baby and has decided to terminate her pregnancy.
Her only concern is telling her husband, who comes from a pro-life family, and even though she believes he doesn't want another baby because it would disrupt their family arrangements, she doesn't want to "load that on his conscience."
"There is no way we want another baby. We're barely keeping our heads above water with the children we have and we are OLD. My [husband] struggles with the idea of abortion. I think I just want to go get an abortion and tell no one - I feel ashamed of getting pregnant," she said.
In the United States, a woman does not need her spouse's consent to get an abortion, and a partner's objection to abortion can not prevent a woman from going forward with it. The latest data on abortion numbers available from Guttmacher's is from 2020, and it shows that during that year there were 930,160 abortions nationwide.
According to psychotherapist Faith Dulin, in a good functioning marriage, ideally, both partners should be aware of any pregnancy or abortions, and when the woman feels not comfortable talking about this to their spouse, they have bigger issues to face than just the one.
She told Newsweek: "While spousal consent isn't legally required for an abortion, I would encourage open communication between intimate partners if it's being considered. It takes two to create a pregnancy, and the outcome will affect both individuals and the relationship dynamic between them. Marriages thrive on honesty, communication, and consideration for one another.
"Withholding information or the ability to contemplate decisions that affect both partners can lead to anxiety or guilt for the secret keeper and resentment or distrust for the uninformed partner. If you're apprehensive about discussing an abortion with your spouse because you're fearful of their potential response, then there's a bigger issue to explore in the relationship."
Most of the 157 users who left comments in the thread believed she is entitled to do as she pleases since it's her body, not her husband's.
One user, Aquamarine1029, commented: "You are not wrong in any way, shape or form. This is completely your decision." And AlongCameBetsy added: "You aren't just thinking of what's right for you, but what's right for your entire family unit. If that means keeping it to yourself, nobody else is in any position to judge."
Another user, letmeeatcrisps said: "it's your body your choice - lots of women have done similar (i nearly did but lost the baby before I could access termination). Life is hard enough for women/mothers without having to pander to men and their opinions about abortion."
And Sittingonabench said: "This is difficult. I generally don't think it's great to lie to protect someone. If it comes out then he may feel like you have made a decision without him being able to have his own feelings on it. However, having an abortion is entirely your own decision and so equally I think you should be able to make the decision without pressure one way or the other."
On the other hand, Janedoe95, pointed out: "This probably isn't helpful but I do think you should tell your [husband] even if you were lax with contraception it takes two to make a baby.
"secrets do always come out eventually and this is a pretty big secret if I was you it would come into my head anytime anything to do with pregnancy or babies came up. I also don't think you should bare the emotional burden alone."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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